Redeemed

I've seen so much in twenty six short years

I've prayed before in silence; no words just tears 

Afflictions, addictions, deaths and the blues

Poverty, partying and some promiscuity too

Self-loathing, bitterness, eating disorders and abuse

Abandonment, rejection, unforgiveness and divorce

Confusion, substances, cancer and remorse.

Till one day You called and said there's a choice.

To believe then confess with my mouth and make a joyful noise.

Redeemed am I, a creation brand new!!!

All because Lord, I met You.

Thank You Lord for this gift of life

And thank You Lord for helping me fight!

The enemy is present but to you I run

Because in You I am so I know the battle's already won.

No more shame of my past

Those things the devil threw at me have come to pass 

And now those tests are my testimony, that mess my message

I am bound to You forever in all of Your essence

Your beauty, Your grace and all of Your love

The indelible change You've made in me reminds me

You're always enough.

So long sweet summer

... I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays.

While basking I took a bit of a hiatus from writing. Much needed. Looking back on the spring, I realized that I needed time to repair a hurting heart. I was in love with an idea of a happily ever after that wasn't obtainable because it wasn't built on a foundation that God had laid. Hence, why the garden I planted didn't flourish with daisies. The outcome, was as predicted: unspoken words and distance. Lots of distance. And though we are still friends, the feelings dicipated as morning dew does. I'm grateful for the unknown. I'm glad for the leap I did not take because God was still molding  and repairing my heart while I was trying to give it away. I was throwing my pearls to the pigs. I'm still a very young Christian. Even in the 5 months, since my infatuation, I have matured greatly and in that time the Lord has shown me so much. It's always fun looking back at the lessons He teaches us, especially when we obediently follow Him even when we don't want to. I'm glad He has taught me obedience because through that obedience I was spared a heartache.

Sometimes following Christ is hard and we think we know what's best for us... but we don't. So my thoughts for today are gratitude for this "me" time. I have really grown as a Christian, a woman, a mother and a friend. I'm almost certain God wanted me to be with only Him while He reconstructed and repaired my heart. When He is finished I have a feeling He will make it clear by bringing that perfect companion into my life. Till then God is preparing me for an even more beautiful life and I'm so excited to see what's next. Until "next" I'm just going to sit back and listen to what God has to say, do what He tells me to do, and enjoy the ride to the land of milk & honey. 

Psalm 28:7

Lord, may the suffering that comes into my life be a beacon light to those who know me, those who stand behind the scenes and watch. To attempt to impress others with my talents and achievements is a futile, worthless undertaking. Those things vanish like the early morning fog. But to share with others my knowledge of God so they can relate and then stand tall and know that God is their strength--yes, Lord, I want to do what David did. And even as I say this, I know I'm opening the door for suffering. I'll make it, though. David and I relate there. I've learned that You are my strength. Amen.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Psalm 28:7

Love Is Waiting,..

"I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell. When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well! I'll be waiting for you baby...I'll be holding back the darkest night. Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right...Love is waiting. ...I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start, neither should I rush my way into your heart."

 

Be still. Be still in love, be still in life. Just wait. Why is it so hard for us to comprehend the concept of patience and just... be.... still? We as a society just can't wait for what happens next, sometimes that's not bad. It's good to be excited about the future. When you start making plans is when it starts turning bad. You can't change what the Lord has planned for you! My primary focus of this blog on "being still" is in our love lives.... Enjoy!

 

  

I'm so guilty of it. We all are! I asked myself many-a-times, "When will my knight on his white horse come?" Many of us females are led to believe that he exists... then we feel betrayed by Disney... because well, I hate to break it to you... but Prince Charming... he's a cartoon!! But REJOICE!!! That beautiful Happily Ever After... it exists... but not here on earth. (We'll touch more on that in a future blog., I have a feeling yall already already know where I'm going with that!)

 

 

Oh and the advice we as females (men too, I'm sure) receive... here's the worst one (in my humble opinion) "Oh honey, you will find a man as soon as you stop looking for one…" hmmm... THAT MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!!! Does it make sense to find something you’re not looking for? "I can’t find my keys but I mean, hey...I’m not looking…" Really? Geez, I can't stand when people say that!! We (meaning single people) are always looking for someone though we may not be actively seeking him or her. Janet.... you make no sense.. ok, well then hear me out. When you meet someone, you "size them up." Whatever level it may be based upon..a mere friendship or potential relationship... you start looking for qualities that you like in that person to determine if you want to keep them around, for whatever purpose. We are always looking for someone. Looking and seeking are very different, although often confused. Looking doesn't mean you're desperate, nor does seeking however to look is far safer than seeking him or her out.. Remember, in the bible we are told to guard our hearts...Just because we look doesn't mean we have to jump at the first available option... which leads me to more advice...

 

I gave you worst, now here's the best!! "God will give you a man (or woman) as soon as you are soley satisfied in Him." I actually believe this one, but find it difficult to believe that ALL the married brothers & sisters actually arrived at this lofty ideal of purity in heart. Because so many people are so distraught at the thought of not having someone there they jump into relationships. (oooohhhhh let that really sink in... feel these words, don't just read them) I've got news for you!!!!! (get ready for the AH-HAH moment....).... be still.. wait for it.... wait.... YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!!! God is always with you! He never leaves us. We leave him, we stray and get distracted but He is a constant in our lives! Go back to him! Let him fulfill you and you'll see that having a significant other is a gift, not a necessity! Oh joy!

 


If you're reading this, chances are... you've been that person! I have been her. I was. I admit it! But the beauty of past-tense.. is it's in my past! And it can be in yours too! It took me about a month but I finally have a mended heart (& extra dresser space) because I came to this realization! All I had to do... this whole time.... was.... be still. Let God claim your heart. He'll heal all the scars that keep you weary or bitter or apprehensive of this glorious feeling we call love! Once you are "filled" with the Spirit... you will "fill" with love. You will "feel" love! I am head over heels in love right now with my Lord, my Saviour! When he is assured and ready to share my heart in an intimate realtionship with ONE man, he will give me the gift of intimate love between myself and another. Until then, there's no rush... no hurry.. I will be waiting... Love is waiting... so I will be still.

 

That's the best advice I have to offer... if you want a perfect relationship, God being in your heart is a necessity. Without him, love is a word. Give it meaning by giving it all to Him. Give him your heart, and all of your love. He in return will give you the most fulfilling love there is.. he already has, his Son. Be filled with the Spirt so that he can bless you... maybe even give you a little gift.. ;) Till then... Be Still.

Letting Go

God showed me how to give my burdens to Him . . . a simple little exercise, but oh so wonderful to experience. I'd like to share it with you.

You'll need about 30 minutes alone. Gather a few things together from home: an envelope, a piece of paper, a pen, a watch (preferably with a second hand), and a felt-tipped pen. Go buy a helium-filled balloon. Then immediately go somewhere where there are no obstacles, no trees or buildings--maybe a deserted football stadium or a park or a lake.

Take all your paraphernalia with you to the edge of the water or the center of the field. Write about your burden on the balloon with your felt-tipped pen, anything that will help you associate that balloon with your problem. Find a rock about the size of a half-brick, and hold it and the string to your balloon in your hand, lifting it with a straight arm at a 45-degree angle. Heavy, isn't it?

Begin talking to the Lord about your burden--all your thoughts, your fears, the pain, the destroyed dreams. As you are praying, your arm is going to get awfully tired. Keep right on praying. Tell Him everything. Any of the thoughts that you have had--vomit it all out--if there is bitterness, anger, depression--all of it.

By now you're crying, and you can't separate the emotional pain from the physical pain you're experiencing because your arm is hurting so badly. Then, when you cannot hold your arm up another single second, say something like this: "Lord, You have commanded me to give my burdens to You. I can't handle this. It's too much for me. I can't hold onto it any longer. You must take it." Drop the rock, release the string, and watch that burden float up into the heavens--into the open, waiting arms of God.

Thank Him for telling you to give Him your burden--and for taking it. Look at your watch and record the time and date on your piece of paper. Write this: On (date/time), I gave my burden to the Lord. And He took it. (Print that last line.)

Look up into the sky and find that tiny speck. It's His--it is no longer yours. It's not in your hand. He told you to give it to Him, and you did. Now fold your paper and put it in your envelope (where is the balloon? catch one last glimpse of it). Seal it, and on the outside write "GOD" and then the date.

When you get home, get an index card and cut it into strips. On each strip write just the date. Put a strip over the sink, one in your bathroom medicine cabinet by your toothbrush, one on the dash of your car--anyplace where you can glance at it--and thank Him for taking your burden. (Close your eyes and visualize that speck in the sky again.)

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you. Psalm 55:22
Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Youversion.com

not a fan.

so I'm currently finishing a book by kyle idleman called "not a fan" it is an amazing read and i suggest anyone who wants to better understand their relationship with Christ and what is expected from a follower. it's hard to put this book down!!! one of the paragraphs from page 91 has just jumped out at me and completely engulfed my heart. it reads as follows....

"Sometimes I hear people talk about the different men and women of the Old Testament, and there is a hint of jealousy. They may say it, or just insinuate it, but here's what they communicate...

What would it have been like to hear God's voice and see him move in such powerful ways? I wish it was the same for us as it was for those whose stories we read about in Scripture. When I get to heaven I can't wait to ask David, Elijah, or Moses what it was like.

(((((here's the powerful paragraph that has my heart hostage)))))))))))

But I think it will be just the opposite in heaven. Before we can ask David what it was like to slay the giant, to win the battles, he'll say, Tell me what is was like on earth to have the Holy Spirit living inside of you giving you strength when you are weak.  We might say to Elijah, what was it like to call down fire from heaven before the prophets of Baal and to raise that boy from the dead? And I think Elijah might say, Yeah, he actually ended up dying again. You tell me what it's like to have God living inside of you. What was it like to live life on earth with the Holy Spirit giving you joy when you're depressed or giving you the power to overcome that sin in your life? We might say to Moses, What was it like to follow the cloud by day and the fire by night? What was it like to meet with God on that mountain? And Moses might say, I had to climb that mountain to meet with God. You tell me what it was like to have Him dwell within you every day. What was it like to have the Holy Spirit giving you directions when you dind't know what to do or where to go?"

wow. does that just not make you think!?!?! God is living in us people!!! :) what an amazing feeling!
good night guys. hope it spoke to you like it did to me :)

what if

What if today was your last day to live?
Would you be content with the progress you have made within your lifespan?
What dreams have you accomplished/failed?
Who would you declare your love to?
How would you spend your last minutes?
Who would you spend the day with?
Would you regret any choices you’ve made these past days?
Who would you appreciate the most in that last moment before you are gone?
Most impotantly, where will you spend eternity?

These questions have been in my mind for the last couple of days. I wake up every day thinking these questions; sometimes I have no answer..

I feel like I’m lost.

Then I remember… not all who wander are lost. I’m going to live for those moments of clarity. I’m going to LIVE so that when my time comes, I don’t regret one single thing. I won’t just exist anymore, I’ll live to the fullest. I will live to please God, and God alone.

Challenge! March

"Your destiny may already be chosen for you by our Lord, but it's up to you to decide how to make the most of this gift of earthly life. Choose happiness. Choose joy. Choose love. That's all an earthly life is anyway, one big choice composed of several smaller choices." (me)

sounds like something a scholar wrote. not some 26 year old college student. ugh now if only i could abide by my own thoughts.

Today as I was thinking and reflecting I realized something. It may sound simple to you but it was quite the epiphany for myself. the opposite of happiness is unhappiness. not depression. now i'm not unhappy, nor am I depressed. However I could be happier and I think that if I simply acknowledged more of the good than the bad I could feel the happiest I ever have. I have so much to be grateful for and sometimes I take it for granted. It's quite tragic & unfortunate.

So now for the challenge! I challenge you, and myself, every night to tweet, facebook, journal, comment, whatever you fancy... about something you are grateful/thankful for! I will be doing the same. It is very important to write down so that you can later look back at it, reflect on it and see how much you have grown through this one simple challege. This is all coming in conjunction with a new book I am about to read, (1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp)  I'm sure I'll post about it as soon as I start it. I'm giving this challenge 2 months to kickstart being as if this is a very new blog and will take time to launch. In May, I will have a new challenge juxtaposed to this one. I look forward to seeing how many accept this challenge & follow through with it!

a little less talk and a lot more action

It requires a constant vigilance not to become like the world in its ways and attitudes. It is unacceptable that we shun our attention from all we hear about violence. We must aggressively come against the evil because it is progressive and if we do not it will continue to increase. Satan has a plan for the world. He wants us to have a hard-hearted viewpoint, not really caring about people or thir needs.

 As Christians we should pray for those who are hurting and vow to fight against the apathetic ways of our worlds' attitudes. There are still so many more good things going on than the bad... now if that could catch the worlds' attention, I honestly think it would help change the overall attitude of the world. We should not dwell on what we see most of (all the bad) or confrom to this world's viewpoint. We just need to listen to what God says about current events in our lives and pray as He leads us to intercede for others who are affected by them.

-Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path don't get sidetracked, keep your feet from following evil.
Proverbs 4:24-27

-Don't do as the wicked do, and don't follow the path of evildoers.
Proverbs 4:14

-Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts. May the Lord cut off their flattering lips and silence their boastful tongues.
Psalm 12:2-3

#1

My whispers escaped
in the silence you heard me
and then I knew love...

attitude affects altitude.

Adversity can be prosperity to a person with a good attitude because he or she can turn around the circumstances by facing them in a positive way. A person’s attitude will either lift them above their circumstances or bury them in the situation. Many people believe attitude starts in the mind, that it is all mental. I believe otherwise because in the bible, Proverbs 23:7, it states "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."

The only way a person can learn to truly rise above the events in their lives is by first awakening to, and then realizing the actual nature of his or her relationship with these events. All of the events in one’s life are created to serve them. These events are not intended to dominate or otherwise diminish an individual, as so many of them seem to have the power to do. Many people have been laid low by certain events. After repeated run-ins with these mountain-like moments, it is revealed to one that the real problem was not the event itself, but the way in which he or she perceived it. Once a person is shaken loose from their hardened ideas about why the moment was to be avoided at all costs; then he or she usually finds themselves flying high above the very condition that they had feared would drag them down. The point is that one’s new altitude in life is a direct effect of a change in his or her attitude towards the event. Seen or not, a person’s attitude determines their altitude in life. The low parts of life come by default. Gravity guarantees we will reach the bottom.

Philippians 3:13 states "I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things ahead." That attitude is forward and upward. Hope is a word for that kind of thinking. Hope is a nose up attitude; an attitude that makes for positive conduct, confidence, and satisfaction. So many people put a lid on their potential at the first sight of problems. An individual can overcome nearly all the difficulties by a winning attitude. Think back to the story of David and Goliath. The Israelites saw Goliath as too big to kill, whereas David saw Goliath as too big to miss; same giant, different attitudes.

What is one key difference between someone whom one considers to be very successful and someone who is average or mediocre? Well, believe it or not, the difference is not skill, intelligence, talent, age, or luck. This is because every person has the same available potential that will allow us to achieve incredible success. One may ask "How come everyone doesn’t achieve the same results?" One primary reason is people do not have the same attitude. A person’s attitude makes all the difference in the world. When it comes to reaching goals, successful people approach challenges expecting to be successful. Along the way, as they carefully plan and work hard to achieve their goals, they visualize in their mind’s eye achieving their goals and create a visionary picture of their ultimate success.

Every person has the ability to change their circumstances. Sadly, somehow, some people do not realize the world reflects and returns back to them what they put out. In other words, if they keep on complaining and blaming external circumstances, and focusing on what they do not want, then they will end up getting more of what they do not want. This is one of the universal laws that never fail. There is an effect for every cause, and the only way to change the effect, change the results you get, is to change the cause. As human beings, people have created the conditions of their lives: positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy, rich or poor. The first step to improving and changing an individual’s current situation is to change their attitude.