Becoming Myself: You Know Me

“You know when I rise and when I fall. When I come or go, You see it all. You hung the stars and You move the sea and still You know me. And nothing is hidden from Your sight wherever I go, You find me. And You know every detail of my life And You are God and You don't miss a thing”

I find my heart and mind flooded today with a desire to bleed them out.  Hard to answer questions that are helping me to become myself. 

“Do my needs matter? Am I valuable? Will I be taken care of? Protected? Nurtured? When I need it? Or when it’s more convenient? Or never? Because not getting enough feels the same as rejection.”

Tough stuff. I have began asking these questions and taking into consideration their answers for all relationships surrounding me. Whether it’s a family member, a friend or potential lover…. the same questions apply to each relationship in their own unique way. When I begin to answer these questions I must be brutally honest with myself. And that’s exactly where I am right now. I’m evolving. I’m growing. I’m soon to be  facing reality of the answers to such difficult questions, as using discernment with the impending steps upon not only answering but accepting the answers and every action that follows.

I’m calmed as I begin to pray out.. “Jesus come into the unsatisfied places of my heart as I  proclaim the truth that in Christ I have enough. I have all I need. I declare oh God, that my soul is satisfied in You. I don’t have to fear never getting enough anymore. I don’t have to arrange for my own provision, protection or comfort. I already have more than enough and I always will.” 

I’ve kept my feet on the ground,
    I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,
    my soul is a baby content.

Psalm 131:2 (MSG)

The psalmist draws a beautiful picture of the perfect contentment and confidence he enjoys in God. My heart is so full. The answers, the acceptance, and the actions to the questions I ponder on will all come in due time and the Lord will be by my side as I journey through them… but in the meantime, my soul is a baby content.