Only a week ago I was so excited to share with you all that I was going back to school (again) only to have that excitement ripped violently from me Monday afternoon upon checking my mail. "Unfortunately you are not eligible for federal aid..."
My heart sank.
I began praising God immediately though because in that moment I knew He was near. (Psalm 34:18) I claimed it as delay not denial and tried to keep my head up and hopes high that this was all part of God's plan for me as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes, folded the letter back up, packed up the kids and we headed to the park to play.
While at the park I received a text message from a friend who wishes to stay anonymous so we will call this friend J. I told my friend of the terrible news and J could sense how hurt I was, despite trying not to be discouraged they could tell my heart was broken.
After the park I went and met up with my friend Olivia whom i poured my heart out to about the letter I received. I admitted to her that I felt like I was constantly being thrown into the pit of failure because every time i attempted something great for my family I got knocked down. My education is very important to me not only so I can have a career and make good money... it's so much more than that. It's so I can provide better for my family, yes but mostly I want to set an example for them and break the curse of poverty & inferiority that has been haunting past generations. I have told the devil that it was over and apparently he didn't like that.
I felt like I had failed my children. Doubt tried to creep in but I kept claiming delay and declared I would start school and finish school and have my degree and my children would see me do this and believe in themselves and their abilities because of it. I was determined. I am determined.
So after being encouraged from her and praying and covering myself in the armor of God to fight this battle I went home. I reopened the letter, and gave myself another pep talk. I went online & dropped 2 of my classes thinking maybe if I just take the two classes this fall that I really need then maybe I can find a way to pay out of pocket. Well, it dropped it but I don't know many single moms that have $1122 laying around, plus I had to have it in less than a week or I would be forced to withdrawal from school.
J not trying to be nosy but rather concerned text me and asked how much my tuition was. Hesitantly I told them knowing they are in relationship with Christ and I could count on them to pray about it.
Wednesday morning.
By this time I had given up. I told only very few people what had happened and they could all see the hurt I was dealing with as I began mentally preparing to answer my peers question "How's school going" with a sad explanation that it was in fact not going at all.
I was in the shower thinking about time and began cry out to The Lord, "Why not now Lord!? You specifically told me on June 09th it was time to step out of my boat and walk on water. So I did. I trusted you God. Now I need you to show up. I need a miracle. What am I supposed to do?" And I just cried my eyes out in desperation.
Wednesday afternoon.
In my hands, an envelope. J said it was a story I needed to read. I opened it, confused because it wasn't a story at all. More like a manual... I flip through the pages and find another envelope. I opened that envelope to find another envelope. I giggled a little not understanding but I began opening that envelope and a nickel fell out. Inside was a folded up letter. I opened it and my jaw dropped as cash fell from inside the letter.
"I used to work for a company.... Haven't worked there since 1999. My secretary gets a call last week asking for my mailing address (no idea why). I get the mail Monday and I have a check from them for $1124.05. Had no idea what it is for it just shows up with no reason, just a check.... Again, I have not worked for them in 15 years. Fast forward to about 10 hours later (Monday night) when you are talking about your school & I asked how much it was and you told me. This check was only 2.05$ more than what you needed.... I knew what I had to do. You are supposed to go to school this fall and I am supposed to help. I am absolutely convicted and this is what I'm supposed to do, it's a gift not a loan."
Attached to the letter was a photocopy of the check as to 'prove' this wasn't just a nice way to give me money to help me out of pity but a work of God. A miracle.
J asked to remain anonymous because they want none of the glory but all glory to be to God, but has given me permission to share the story.
I pray that in sharing this story, it has restored some kind of faith, some kind of hope, some kind of determination into whoever is reading it. God loves His children. We are His babies. He loves me and He loves you. Please don't ever doubt His goodness, please don't allow delay to become denial because of doubt. The devil would love nothing more than to tear you down and get you out of God's will. Put on your armor and battle, you mighty warrior.
"I'll sing my way through every storm, I'll worship forever. You are worthy God, forever."
Thanks Janet for sharing this. I really needed this!
ReplyDelete